


The Night Love Failed

by orphan_account



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, F/M, M/M, i dont actually know anything about batman, lowkey murder mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 12:45:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5334581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>batman wants to get it on with clark kennedy but clark is a very straight heterosexual male.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Night Love Failed

**Author's Note:**

> my brother told me that i don't write straight characters at all ever, so clark "heterosexual" kennedy was created. why is batman here? well. we just don't know. it felt right at the time.

Clark Kennedy awoke to the alarming scratches against his office window. Taking a look outside, he realized he had fallen asleep at work again. Batman walks through the door.  


“Ahh,” he says with a deep, gravelly rumble. “Sleepin’ on the job, Kennedy?”

Clark huffed a forced laugh. “Yeah,” he responded, hoping he kept the pure and unadulterated hatred out of his voice. He loathed the times when Batman made his presence known. Stick to the shadows, asshole, Clark thought.

“Yeah,” Batman looked dramatically out the window. “I’ve had my fair share of nights in the ol’ office myself.”

“Yes, well,” Clark rolled his eyes. What an ass. “Your office is the entire city of Gotham, so I’m not sure you understand.”

“Well,” Batman began, “I’ve always loved a good desk to nap on.”

“No you don’t.” Clark stated. “No, you really don’t.” With that Clark gathered his things and brushed past Batman. Their shoulders touched, and he fought the urge to punch the bat brain out of his left ear. “Anyways, I’ll be going now.”

“Can I tag along?” asked Batman. Clark gritted his teeth. Batman continued. “You know, the ol’ batcave has been pretty lonely since Robin died.”

“Oh,” Clark tried to sound surprised, but the truth was he didn’t care. He never liked Robin much anyway, and anything that bums Batman out was good news to him. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“It could be your gain.” Batman gave him a flirty wink and some finger guns. Clark bit back the bile rising in his throat.

A scarlet blush rose to his cheeks, and flustered and unsure of what to do, Clark yelled very suddenly, “EXCUSE ME BUT I MUST INFORM YOU THAT I AM HETEROSEXUAL, NOW I MUST LEAVE TO GET BACK TO MY ALSO HETEROSEXUAL WIFE.”

“Oh, well,” Batman winked again, “So is spaghetti until it gets hot.”

Clark wanted to cry. “What?”

“Uhh…” he rumbled. “Didn’t you say you were straight?”

Clark had a moment of pause, and then he understood Batman’s meaning. “Oh my -- oh my god,” he said. “Oh my god.”

“Is that a ‘yes’ oh my god, or a ‘no’ oh my god?”

“Oh my god,” Clark repeated. He continued the phrase disbelieving all the way home. When he got there, it was late. The moon was low in the sky, but the bat signal was high and bright. “Oh my god,” Clark said again.

He unlocked his front door, softly repeating ‘oh my god’ to himself, even as he made his way to his bedroom and quietly undressed himself before crawling into bed next to his beloved and heterosexual Abigail.

As he snuggled into her back and assumed the position of the big spoon, he thought about Batman again. He thought about Robin, and how casually Batman brought up his death. Almost too casually, even. Suspiciously casually.

Clark had been working murder cases since his mother was killed by his very own father, and he laughed to himself quietly because Batman didn’t have any parents. At least Clark had one, even if he was in prison. Suck on that, Batman. Suck. On. That.

“I’ll suck a lot more than that,” came a gravelly, sandpapery, and certainly uninvited voice. Clark yelped into the night, awaking Abigail.

“What the hell!” she screamed as she sat up in bed.

Batman’s silhouette was clear in the corner, watching the two on their bed.

“How did you get in here?” Clark asked nervously.

“Love,” Batman says. “Love got me in here.”

With that, the blacked masked bodied bat person jumped out of the second story window.

“What the hell?!” Clark sprung from his bed. Abigail told him not to fret, that Batman had probably turned himself into a flock of bats and flown away into the dark. Abigail would know after all, she used to sneak Batman out of her bedroom before he was even Batman. Whores. The both of them.

Clark checked out the window. He looked to the ground, expecting for Abigail to be right, and find nothing. Perhaps a flutter of bat wings, but nothing more. However, as he looked to the bushes down below, he saw Batman’s body, crumpled and folded over itself. He heard soft, pained gasps, and in the moonlight he saw the reflection of the blood. So much blood.

For a brief moment, he made eye contact with the masked crusader. Batman was dying, this much Clark knew. He couldn’t say for certain if Batman had killed Robin, but in this moment, he didn’t care. Batman was dying, in his front lawn bushes, just feet below him.

Clark Kennedy smiled at that moment. He turned his back to the window, and he laughed and laughed. Batman slowly bled out beneath him.

Clark was satisfied.

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry i wrote this in seven minutes two minutes ago. it is very late.


End file.
